How to get back your sparkle – My personal depression story and what worked for me

Are you feeling a little down?

Or do you have this constant fear or worry that weighs down your heart?

In Vancouver, Canada, where I used to live, October is the time when the air starts to get chilly, and the sky starts to look gloomy…. That’s when many people, including myself, start to feel down.

In fact, you may have heard “seasonal depression“, which can be caused by the reduced level of sunlight you’re exposed to.

In any case, if you are feeling sad or less happy, first I want you to know it’s okay 🙂

Today I want to put the sewing machine aside and share with you a little story that may make your day a bit happier.

My story

In 2009, I was sitting at my cubicle at work and feeling depressed.

It was just one of many dark spots in the cubicle forest at my new workplace, and the unnaturally white ceiling lighting seemed to only highlight the gloominess of the office.

Despite my hope to get a highly rewarding job after college, I was in a group of graduates who were hit by the recession in the year prior, and companies were not taking new employees.

This job was just a temporary one, which I finally got after applying to over a hundred jobs.

But my colleagues seemed too busy to pay much attention to this temporary worker. And my work seemed to consist of tasks that are not urgent or THAT important but nice to have and no one has time for.

With the fatigue from the unfruitful job hunt, I was exhausted, unrewarded, and…. depressed.

People say one of the main symptoms of depression is lack of focus.

I think it’s only partially true.

It was true in that I was just staring at the computer screen in front of me and not getting any work done.

But inside of my head, I was intensely focused on the all the frustrating things about my life that weren’t going the way I hoped.

I had too many dark, horrible thoughts that I can’t even express here.

At home, I was useless.

Coming home, I was completely exhausted. No spirit. Done.

I’d just crash on the couch. Then I’d get up, feeling stupid for not doing anything productive. Later, I’d eat whatever dinner, and reflect on my action (and inaction) on the day and continue to feel stupid…

I was a miserable being back then.

Did I need help? Yes.

Did I go get help? ….No.

What I tried and didn’t work

One day at work, I was overcome by a huge wave of emotions and couldn’t stop my tears from flowing.

I hid my face and ran into a small meeting room so no one could see.

The company I worked for had this emergency phone line in case their employees need help with their mental health issues.

I called the number… and now all I remember is just crying uncontrollably in the room while someone on the other side of the phone asked questions.

They instructed me to go see a counselor.

The company paid for the first 3 visits to the counselor.

This counselor, an older, soft-spoken lady, was patient, and gave me some good tips to calm myself temporarily.

But sadly, 3 visits weren’t enough to cure me.

She referred me to another counselor to go see after my 3 visits, but the new counselor was too expensive for me.

So I simply waited until the temporary job was done.

I landed on a new job – permanent this time – and thought life would finally get better.

But this workplace had its own challenges which caused me to get constant health problems and panic attacks for the next 2 years.

And of course, doing nothing much about it didn’t help either.

You’re not alone

I think it’s the worst feeling when you feel you’re the only one that’s feeling sad and miserable, and no one else is having crazy thoughts in their heads like you are.

But you’re not alone. I went through it, and many others are. It’s amazing how many people from Sparkly Belly readers emailed me and shared with me that they are suffering from depression or they have.

Many schools and organizations are tackling mental health problems, which is great, but it’s really not enough.

It takes courage even to admit that there’s something “wrong” about your mental health.

It takes so much effort to share with people that you’re feeling depressed.

That’s why I never went to a doctor, even though I knew I needed some sort of help.

I was terrified of being labeled a depression patient.

I was terrified of being dependent on anti-depression pills.

What really worked for me

Fast forward today, I’m a much, much happier person.

But it’s not like I’m always excited and my heart is jumping around.

Instead, I feel more collected.

Like a tree that’s well-grounded with strong roots.

I do get swayed by storms sometimes…. but I feel I can monitor my stress level better, and I have some tools that work for me.

I became happier, not because the company that gave me that “permanent” job shut down and therefore I got laid off.

…well, that helped me make a new decision for what to do next.

But when I had to decide what to do next, I decided to respect my desires first.

At the time, I really wanted to travel.

So Navid and I saved up all we could at the time, and went on a 8-month backpacking trip.

We traveled on budget and volunteered to save money. And it was the most amazing thing I had ever done in my life.

The trip definitely gave us new perspectives on life.

But the best part for me, was I felt really satisfied and rewarded for the first time in a long time.

So when we came back from our trip, I gave another desire of mine a try – starting a website.

That led me to give another desire of mine a try – starting a business.

…and that’s Sparkly Belly today 🙂

Sparkly Belly has really turned my life 180 degrees.

And thank YOU.

Without you reading my blog, I’d be at a loss. 🙂

If you’re feeling down today, here are 5 things that have helped me come out of the darkest time in my life.

#1. Have someone that you can talk to

You don’t need 5 people to listen to you and understand you.

You just need 1 person that will listen to you or give you a shoulder to cry on.

That person, for me, was Navid all these years, and even today he reminds me to take time for myself, which I truly appreciate.

#2. Try personal development

It may sound boring, but I never thought how important this is until I read a book called “Breakthrough Experience” by John F. Demartini.

In his book, he talks about identifying your personal values (things in life that are important to you), and letting go of guilt and shame that’s holding you back.

At first, when Navid recommended this book to me, I was quite skeptical. I had always been skeptical about many self-help materials.

I was sick and tired of hearing, “Don’t worry, be happy.” 

But after reading this book, I felt life doesn’t have to be all happy or sad, or all positive or negative. In fact, there is a middle ground where it’s more stable or balanced. And it’s possible for you to create that balance.

So every night I reflect on these things and continuously work on my personal growth 🙂

#3. Find benefits of your challenge

Navid and I actually went to a workshop by John F. Demartini, and this is one of the techniques we learned.

Let’s say you’re feeling frustrated about someone being rude to you.

Then find 20 benefits of this person being rude to you and write them down.

You’re probably thinking, “Well, there’s no benefit. That’s why I’m upset!” Right?

That’s where this exercise gets interesting.

Maybe you now know not to hang out with this person, which creates more free time for you?

Maybe you know who to trust next time?

Maybe you will save money in the future now that you won’t go to the shop where this person works at?

Maybe you learned ways of handle rude people from this situation?

This exercise was very difficult at first. I think my body was resisting to admit that there were any benefits to the challenges I was facing.

But once you successfully find 20 or more benefits, you realize that the frustration has disappeared from your head.

It takes discipline to actually sit down and do this exercise. But it works.

#4. See beautiful things

Staying in a dark cubicle really doesn’t help you feel any happier.

So if you’re feeling down, go take a stroll in a place with a beautiful scenery.

Or go to a museum.

Or treat yourself to a beautifully poured latte.

Or look at beautiful beads, fabric, and costumes 😉

There are studies that show beautiful things actually make people happier.

It’s especially true for me, when I go walk around beautiful places and see nature or polished shops with beautiful artisan crafts. I

get inspired and creative.

#5. Give yourself a chance

To do this, first you need to give yourself some quiet time.

You’ve heard this a hundred times probably, but have you really tried it?

Taking time for yourself can be quite challenging to do. You sit down to relax, and you start to think, “Oh, I should do this before bed, and gosh, I forgot to pick that up when I was out today….”

Try to let it go.

The best way to do it is to get absorbed in an activity.

That’s why a lot of Sparkly Belly readers say costume making makes them happy. It’s easy to get absorbed in the creative process.

Or, simply watch a show or movie with a good story. Get absorbed into a story so that you can’t even think of other things 🙂

Making Me Time everyday helps too.

…and when your mind is clearer, think about what you REALLY want to do.

And give that a try.

Is it traveling? Moving? Learning something new?

It may seem impossible at first…. but find ways to slowly make it happen.

I think you deserve a chance to try something you really desire. 🙂

I really hope these tips will help you feel calmer, happier, and more collected.

No need to practice yoga or meditation, if those are not your thing.

If they work, do it. But just because everyone else seems to be doing it, it doesn’t mean it has to work for you either.

(Speaking of everyone else, it’s a good idea to take a break from social media as well if it’s causing you ill-feelings 🙂 )

Anyone can feel sad or down at times.

And to quickly recover or prevent it from getting worse, I feel each person needs to equip themselves with tools and solutions, instead of getting pushed around by emotions.

What helps you? Share in the comment below 🙂

Your mental well-being has a huge impact on your costume making, your dance, and your life. So please take time to take care of yourself 🙂

Thanks for reading, and keep sparkling 🙂